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Then and Now

Day dreams
   To lost dreams
Animated screams
   To muffled screams
Climbing trees
   To building family trees
Dodging bee’s
   To fighting B’s
Worst of rivalries
   To best of buddies
Childhood fears
   To adult fears
Adolescent chocolate milk root beers
   To adult whiskey’s and beers
Childhood woes
   To adult foes

ABC
   To a life lost as sea
Wondering who you’d be
   To I just have to let it be
Give those to one’s
   To what are those fee’s
Scrapped knees
   To a sinner on his knees
A simple bloody nose
   To troubles no one knows
Cutting so deep
   To what did you reap?

 
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Posted by on May 22, 2016 in Poetry

 

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Reflections

Sitting back and reflecting can take your mood and mind in many directions. It can bring you to a place of great joy or great sorrow. Some memories can even bring you both places almost simultaneously. I have been spending lots of time reflecting recently. The most recent and heaviest of the reflections has yet to change. I fear it is and always be Jeffery. It always one way or another comes back to him. On one side I have great happiness and pride when I think about him, our childhood, our friendship, our bond. For so many years my boys were my main focus. As gotbachoff grew he needed me less, wanted me less. He was his own man. Jeff never seemed to have lost his need or desire for me to be around. Our relationship grew and developed into a very special and precious friendship. Though I was still the boss and did my best to keep him in line, or he let me I should say, we both needed that. We knew that no matter what we still had eachother. Reflecting on our friendship makes me smile and fills me with joy, unfortunately it doesn’t stop there. It also causes me great sadness. Just typing this my eyes begin to fill with tears. The great sorrow of his death hits me as strongly as the great joys of his life. Knowing that not again until the time designated by the Lord will we be together is almost heartbreaking. I trust in my God and know we will be together again, but seeing everyday and everything void of Jeffery at times feels bleak and empty. Countless times I day I go to send a text, make a call or think of visiting. I sit in wonder of what he’d think of how I am now, if what I am doing would give him pride, if  our bond would still be as strong. All things left in the silent moments in my mind. It has been just days over a year since he chose to leave us. A year! Today I am stronger and braver than I was. I am not that broken trembling girl sitting and listening to everyone’s hurts, organizing, dealing, fixing. Today while at times I may feel broken, I know that I am not. I can do this, I have been doing this and I will continue to do this! God bless and happy reflecting.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2016 in Blog's, Uncategorized

 

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Update

My surgeon is very concerned by what is going in so she put me on an emergency list to see if I can get into surgery sooner rather than later. They have changed the date twice. I received a call today telling me my newest date is February.11! That is only increasing my stress and anxiety. I thought I had much more time to prepare my mind but I suppose not:/ oh well I have to trust that this is all apart of Gods plans for me. That He is and will be with me, lifting my fear and anxiety off of me. Tomorrow I seen another specialist for something related. Please pray that the Lord works through them and that we may get past off these obstacles. God bless and have an amazing night!

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2016 in Blog's, Uncategorized

 

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Fellowship Friday?

Sorry I am retraining myself with the fellowship Friday’s! Better late than never I suppose! 

“Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers if Mine, even the least of them you did to Me” Matthew 25:40

This scripture stands out to me today. I am sure many of you have heard of what is going on in Flint, Michigan. They basically have no water. It has been declared a state of emergency. Like so many other celebrities Cher is joining the fight to get them clean safe water. She has sent 181 440 bottles of water. Flint should receive them on Wednesday. It is so sad to see that in a wealthy country like the U.S. People are without the most simple and necessary of staples. I think it is wonderful however that people are stepping up and helping in ways that they can. God sees all of our acts and blesses each and everyone of them. I ask that you join in prayer that God sends all the people of flint what they need. As a society we can make great change and progress. As always I encourage each and everyone of you to go out this week and do something, even something small, for the least or those without in our society. God bless all of you have a safe fun and God filled week! 

You can find the article and many others here.

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Here we go again!

So begins the adventure with my stomach once again. For those who don’t know. I have severe endometriosis, have had it since I was 13. I have had three surgery’s to try to clean out as much as they can and finally three years ago I had a partial hysterectomy. Leaving behind just my ovaries. Within a week of the hysterectomy I had complications and have been having them since. After many emergency room visits and 28 months on a waiting list I finally seen my surgeon again yesterday. It appears that there is a new complication, one we hadn’t expected. So on March.10 this year I will go under the knife once again, this time to have my left ovary removed. I am praying that this will be the last time. Though if all these years have taught me anything it is to not expect this to be the last. I am putting my faith in God, that He will give me relief from this pain. Even if it’s only for a while. Something is better than nothing. It is so easy to get frustrated and upset when things seem to continually go wrong. To get angry even at times. But I need to remember that while the bad does outshine the good quite often there is still good. Good things can and do happen. Regardless of how minor they seem. That is my plan. To stay focused on the good, on the positive things that are happening and can come from all of this. I don’t know His plan. What I do know is if I waste my time being miserable and feeling sorry for myself I may miss a great opportunity. Whether it be for me or to help someone who is suffering as I have and am. Over the years I have learned that sometimes God puts people in your life when you least expect it, in unlikely places and for reasons you wouldn’t expect. So fight on I will and see where this ride takes me once again. I don’t ask for pity or sympathy, just encouragement and prayers. Also on a side note I am trying to get back into the swing of writing regularly again, but we shall see what adventure each day brings. Until next time God bless you and have an amazing God filled evening!

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Fellowship Friday Jan.16 2016

Welcome to the 2016 edition of fellowship Friday! It is late in the day that I am posting this but better late than never. Sometimes timing is everything. It can make all the difference in the world. It can even save a life! This was the case for an American college student. When she first seen Chris it was obvious he was homeless. He was walking around picking up change off the side of the road. Eventually he made his way over to a Dunkin Doughnuts. She watched him count his change to see how much he had presumably to get something to eat. With compassion in her heart she began talking to him. At first she irritated to him, it was clear he didn’t want to talk. Despite that she continued to pester him. Seeing he only had about a dollar she bought him a bagel and a coffee and asked him to sit down with her. Chris obliged. He proceeded to tell her that people usually treated him unkindly because he was homeless. That drugs had “turned him into someone he hated”. That he had lost his mother to cancer, also that he had never met his dad. Chris wanted so bad to be a man his mom could be proud of. The two spoke for hours. Chris was one of the most honest and sincere people she had ever met. Unfortunately time was no longer on their side, she had to return to class. Upon telling Chris this he asked if she could wait a moment longer before she left. He pulled out a crumpled old receipt and a pen, once he was finished he handed the paper to her apologizing for the shaky handwriting. Once she got to her car she opened the scrap of paper. What was written there was likely not what she had ever expected. 

  
I wanted to kill my self today. Because of u I now do not. Thank u, beautiful person.”

Praise the Lord! It is amazing how God puts us at different places at different times. That He puts love and compassion in our hearts to reach out or help our fellow brothers and sisters. This story really has nothing to do with giving anything monetary to someone less fortunate. While yes she did buy him a coffee and a bagel, the greatest thing she had given him was a compassionate ear and time. This man was likely at the lowest point in his life. So much so he wanted to kill himself, but it wasn’t Chris’ day. This college student through compassion and love saved a mans life. A common phrase that drives me bonkers is “time is money”. While yes in some instances this is a true statement, I feel it minimizes the true power and value of time. As we see here time has the power to control life and death. A human life is so very precious and the time we have with one another is so limited. I encourage all of you take a look at how you value time. Is time money? Can the value of time really be measured? God bless each and every one of you and your families. In the week ahead please take that extra moment as you never know what difference it can make. Thank you and always have a safe, fun, God filled weekend. For this article and many more click here.

 
 

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The return of Fellowship Friday 2016

Hello all and happy new year. I know it’s been nearly a year since I posted a fellowship Friday. As those of you who follow my blog know 2015 was probably the worst year of my life. I lost my brother to suicide, as did I lose my life. I lost so much. I was and am in so much pain. I, I, I. Though yes it was a horrible year of MY life God didn’t stop being God. While yes I felt alone, abandoned, scared and alone I wasn’t! God hadn’t left me, I pushed Him away. He was still doing amazing works not only in my life but also in countless others. Though it didn’t feel like He was doing amazing things in my life I assure you He was. I am alive, I am still fighting. He has shown me just how much strength I have. Even though I feel so weak and afraid I know I am not alone and I am strong. He has made me a fighter. Losing Jeffery, my home and my life has truly. Opened my eyes to the power and love only He has and can give. He truly is an amazing and merciful God. I will once again be sharing the joys and blessing of God working through man. I look forward to sharing with you all once again. God bless all of you have a safe, fun and God filled weekend.

 
 

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