Self loathing an ugly monster

27 Dec

Ever have one of those days where it feels like the world is against you? Where you have a feeling of impending doom? Where you want to crawl in a hole and cry? That is me today. It feels like nobody knows who I really am nor do they care, despite how much I try to force yourself on them.

There are a lot of really ugly things going on in my family right now. I don’t know if I have some fantasy of what a family is supposed to be, but whatever it is it’s wrong. Don’t get me wrong I do have an amazing family. It’s just I guess I expect more out of them than I am getting. It makes me so angry, because I feel like they don’t care to know who I am. For example my writing is the most important thing in my life and most of them have only read my stuff when I have put them on the spot. I do have a few who do read them and actually encourage it, my Bubby, my cousin Jason who is more like a brother to me he’s constantly pushing me to write and post, and Jason’s wife Cathy, and my beautiful mama bear. That should be enough, but I am greedy I want to share my passion with everyone I love.

I need to get past my anger and be grateful that I do have four amazing pillars of support and encouragement. We offer up our fears to God we offer sadness, stress happiness pretty much everything. Can we offer up our anger? Will He take it even though it’s not of Him?  I keep going to Ecclesiastes 7:9

“do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools” New American Standard Version

I am embarrassed by my behavior, but I don’t know how to hand it up to God. Or if he would even take it if I did. May I please ask for prayers of wisdom and stregth? Do you think God would accept it, if I did offer it up to Him?


Posted by on December 27, 2013 in Blog's


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6 responses to “Self loathing an ugly monster

  1. sugarspicebrat2

    December 27, 2013 at 8:42 am

    I Honestly Think He Would Hunni And I know This Cause God Is Always here with us through good or bad and he Accepts Any Challenge We Hand To Him

    • Pen of the Sheep

      December 27, 2013 at 9:59 am

      You are so right. Sometimes it’s hard to look past ourselves. God bless you and thank you!

  2. Lala Rukh

    December 27, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Anger can never help you in any case…..Yes sometimes you feel that the world is against you but letting things go is the way to be happy ! Relax ! Let things happen and try to figure out our response to them. Love xx

    • Pen of the Sheep

      December 27, 2013 at 10:27 am

      Thank you so much! You are so right! I really have to learn how to relax and let things happen, the control freak in me blocks my ability to do that sometimes. Thank you again for your kind words God bless you, you have a beautiful kind soul! ❤

  3. Daring to Dream it

    January 25, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    Anger in and of itself is neither good nor evil. It is the intention of the heart that God looks at. What is your motivation in being angry? Is it pride, selfishness, do you feel someone owes you something? You need to figure out WHY you are angry.
    The Bible says, “In your anger do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:6) Even Jesus was angry in the temple. But, He did not sin in His anger.
    God can help you find the root of your anger and how to deal with it with His heart.

    • Pen of the Sheep

      January 27, 2014 at 5:40 pm

      I think my motivation was all four ! Sometimes I don’t understand my anger, why I feel it so strong in minor situations. I am praying for guidance in coping with my anger. Thank you for taking the time to help. God bless you!


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