Normally I don’t like writing angry blogs or airing my dirty laundry. I have been hurt really bad by someone I thought was a friend, someone I though was a confidant. Someone I though had changed. Me and this person have had an ugly past, a past I thought was well just that the past. Boy was I wrong, now I sit here mourning the loss of a friendship and fire of anger within me. Satan surly has my tongue and my mind right now and I hate it. I know this anger isn’t who I am and the things I am saying are not meant, but I feel like I want to mean them. It’s like if I mean them than it doesn’t hurt as bad. I find it much easier to be angry than hurt. I don’t deal with emotional pain very well. I am now fighting with someone I love dearly because he knows my heart and knows that the things I am saying and that are not who I am or how I really feel. He is right of course, he usually is. I want to behave in a Christ like manor, I really do! I am really struggling with vengeance, and wanting it so bad. I want to hurt her like she has hurt me. I know that vengeance is only for the Lord, and because of that I will do nothing. I am so hurt because it feels like I am losing absolutely everything and everyone right now and losing this person just adds to the list of hurt. I don’t know if I have done something to cause me to continually lose people in my life, but I do know that I need to really appreciate and hold on to the ones who are sticking around who really truly love me. It is a very sad few but it’s a lot more than some people have. As far as the rest go, well it goes back to my previous blog, every one has life, love, and loss. The ones I speak of now are not passed on, they have just chosen to not be a part of my life. Ultimately the Lord has a plan for me and I need to shut up and listen for His words. He has all the answers and solutions, I have to shut up long enough to hear Him. Sorry for the nonsense God bless!
Well you had me fooled!