Now that look I haven’t seen on the Lords face before either. He has such a beautiful face. Is that sadness? Fear? Pain? I think it might be all of them. His immaculate face turned this way after my husband told Him that I picked the fruit from the forbidden tree and gave it to him. I feel a need to take responsibility for my actions, but my mouth won’t open. I can’t speak fear has my tongue. I wonder what it is going to feel like to be dead. What do you do if you’re dead? Will the Lord still walk with us? Will He still be our companion? It feels as though I have just woken. The Lords saddened face turned to me all I could see was pain. It was as though the tears building up in His eye could flood the earth.
I am asking myself the same question the Lord is asking me. What have I done? I am slowly starting to realize just how terrible eating from that tree was. I just thought I would be as wise as the Lord. If I am indeed as wise as He, then why do I feel so dumb? So naive? Should I apologize? Would it make a difference? How do I properly explain that the serpent lied to me, and that is the only reason I ate from it. He deceived me. He tricked me!! Who is he? Why can he speak to me and none of the other creatures in this place can? He made me think that a simple fruit would give me the world, not take my world away. He never said it would hurt anyone; I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
The Lord is very angry with the serpent. He has made all creatures greater than him. I hope the Lord has mercy on me. Who is he that the Lord will cause us to oppose him? Right now I do however have plenty of hostility towards this earth crawling deceiver. I will never side with him again, he can keep his seed and I will bare the seed of the Lord. I will not oppose the Lord again. Why would I oppose the Lord by eating from that tree? I knew that I was not to do that. Never again will I oppose the Lord.
The Lord has found mercy on me! I am not going to die, well not right now. He is going to grant me children. Even after what I have done. How can He the Lord Almighty, creator of all life have such love for me that He will allow me to create a life within me? Yeah it’s going to hurt more, so what? He is granting me an amazing gift. A gift I don’t deserve. If God created me and I hurt Him, will my child hurt me? Will they hurt the Lord? How do I make sure our children don’t do that? I must teach them to respect and listen to the Lord. To do all it is that He commands of him. Not to be a fool like me. Honestly I do fear the pain. Is it the pain of childbirth that is going to kill me? Will it be that bad? Oh how I love my husband my desire is already only for him. If I had just listened in the first place we would not be in this position. From here on out I will listen to Adam. Apparently my judgment is no good.
Why is the Lord angry with Adam? This is entirely my fault! I took the fruit, I listened to the serpent. Now he has to work all his days to tend this blessed land, what have I done? It won’t grow and tend to its self anymore? I wish I could just tell the Lord it was all my fault, now because of me Adam must labor until the Lord returns him to the earth. Is that what death is? Returning to the earth? How are we going to survive? What are we going to do? Will our children work the land too? Adam can’t do it alone.
Eve, my husband has called me Eve. This is a truly beautiful name. I desire to live up to the beauty of this name. I hope we don’t have to leave this place, this is our home. The Lords love and mercy never ends, this new skin and cloths He has made for us are so much more comfortable than the ones we made for ourselves. I feel very heavy hearted more so than I have already felt. This day is really not tuning out very well. The Lord removed us from our garden, our home. I loved that place; it was so beautiful, so peaceful. Most of all, the Lord was there. I can still feel Him with us, though He doesn’t walk among us anymore.
‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘
This new place isn’t so bad, but it’s not our garden. We have adjusted very well to this place. We have settled into a rhythm it seems. The Lord has given us our commands and we will never disobey Him again. He has blessed us with a child! The experience of being with child is amazing. The feeling of knowing you are creating life is indescribable. I wonder if this is the feeling the Lord had when He created us. Did He have the overwhelming sense of pride and anticipation? Did He know what we would do? What we would become? I have fears of what our child will become. We must make sure our child follows the commands of the Lord. Make sure our child understands the love and mercy of the Lord. Unlike us, our disobedience cost us everything. It cost us our home, our garden, our relationship with the Lord. I am really starting to fear the pain of giving birth to our child. I don’t know if I can do it. I wonder if it is going to be a man or woman. I would like for it to be a man, so that he can help his father tend the land. I see the strain it puts on Adam working the land day in and day out.
The Lord has blessed me with a man. My child is here. The pain was unlike any other pain I could have imagined. But to see the face of this beautiful child made all of the pain worth it. We decided to call him Cain. Being a mother is a lot of work. Sometimes I tease Adam that my job may be harder than his. Again the Lord blessed us with child, another man. Him we shall call Able. I still find it hard to believe that even after I ate from that tree the Lord would have such love and mercy on me to continue to bless me. I love my men. I wonder if God has the same pride and frustration when He watches over us and guides us. My men they have their roles, Cain he is the tiller of the ground and Able well he watches over the sheep. I am so proud of them. Am I the mother the Lord wants me to be? I worry about Cain, I sense something angry in him.