10 Jan

What a stunning evening! There is a warm spring breeze in the air. This is the perfect night to have a bath. I will go up to the roof I should be hidden in the seclusion of the night. It gets ever so lonely at night when Uriah is off to battle. The nights, they seem to drag on for so long. I yearn for the companionship of my husband. How I wish I could lay with him.

The king has called on me! What could he want? Does it have to do with Uriah? Has something happened to him? What would I do if I were to lose him to the war? My heart yearns for him! Though, King David is so handsome and pleasing to look at. Is he calling on me as a man calls on a woman? If he is, do I submit to his desire? I have finished my ceremonial cleansing, so if that is what he is calling me for I am clean.

This is the reason the King has called on me! I have just laid with the King. What have I done? I have betrayed the trust of my husband! He must never find out about this! Now what? Do King David and I have a relationship now? Was I only called upon to lay with him? I feel lonelier than ever!

Oh no! Oh Lord what is going to happen to me? What is going to happen to King David? What is going to happen with Uriah? I have become pregnant! Pregnant with King David’s child! What am I going to do? How do I tell the King that I have become pregnant? That I am pregnant with his child! What is he going to say? What is he going to do? I must send word to him and find out. I am so afraid of what he is going to say. How he is going to react. What is going to happen when Uriah comes home from battle? Oh God I am so lost and confused. Can You oh Lord possibly forgive your servant?

I am not sure of David’s reaction. He seems calm, like he has a plan. David has called Uriah home from battle. What is David’s plan? Is he going to somehow convince Uriah to lay with me? If he does lay with me will he be able to tell that I am with child? Why won’t he come home? Why is he sleeping at the entrance of the palace with the servants? Is it because he is so loyal to his men? Is it because his men are sleeping on the ground in tents? Is it because he is so humble that he will not lay with his wife because his men are still at the battle field? I am more lost and lonely than ever! God help me.

David has sent Uriah back into battle! What is going on? The more time that passes the obvious it is that I am with child! This loneliness is really starting to get to me! I long to have someone hold me, love me and lay with me! I feel this child growing inside of me. It is a beautiful feeling, but it causes me so much fear and anxiety! Will the Lord forgive us for what we have done?

A messenger came for me today. As soon as I seen him I fell to the floor. My heart broke into a million little pieces. My husband, my lover is dead. He has died in battle! Did David do something to cause this? No he couldn’t have, he is here, not I the fields of battle. Now I am truly alone. I have no one and nothing, nothing but an illegitimate child growing inside of me. I have lost the love of my life. The man I have longed for, for so long has died in battle. What does this now mean about King David and I? Am I to be his wife? Can I wed a man when I have the pains of loss in my heart? How much longer is this pain going to last?

David has taken me as his wife. I have delivered us a son. David has welcomed me into his home. I no longer feel the pangs of loneliness. I have a husband and a son. It’s amazing to think that all of this started because I bathed in the cloak of the night, or so I thought!

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Posted by on January 10, 2014 in That's what she said


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