I am over this!

07 May

I am so upset and frustrated!!!! I don’t understand why God would dangle healing in front of me just to pull the rug out from under me. I know He isn’t the one doing it, I just don’t understand it. I had a partial hysterectomy (everything but the ovaries) in September 2013. I thought I got my life back, I thought I was healed, I thought the pain was gone forever, I thought I’d never have to see narcotics again, I thought I’d never see birth control again. Of course, I thought wrong, on all accounts! That just goes to figure! This is just how my life goes, something good happens then poof! Everything unravels. This is so incredibly frustrating! The pain started well over a month ago. I got maybe 6 months, maybe, without pain after the surgery. We were hoping it was just my appendix, I know it sounds silly to hope for that, but the alternative (endometriosis) is far worse than a quick surgery and that’s it, no more pain. Now I am faced with who knows how long of pretty bad pain and stupid blankety blank pain pills. Which means my mind will be clouded so I won’t be able to write anything good. I know God has a plan for me I just wish I knew what it was or even to know that the pain will end soon, and not when I am dead. There is no light at the end if this miserable dark tunnel right now. I don’t even know. I am trying so hard to see any glimmer of hope in this, but I am coming up short. I am not trying to be depressing or grumpy I just needed to vent. Please pray that The Lord sees fit to lay His healing hand upon my body and mind. I don’t like being angry with Him. He has blessed me and everyone around me so much but it’s hard to see right now through the pain and anger. On a higher note I can go back to work today, only for a couple of hours and with the cane….but at least I can do something other than sitting around feeling sorry for myself. The pain and grumpyness is why I have been away for the last week sorry 😦 . God bless you and have a God filled day!


Posted by on May 7, 2014 in Blog's


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29 responses to “I am over this!

  1. nerdinthebrain

    May 7, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, and I do hope you’re on the mend soon (physically, spiritually, and emotionally). Sending good thoughts your way!

  2. katebortell

    May 7, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    Im so in awe of your ultra strong faith in the midst of a really tough time in your life. Youre allowed to be angry and question WHY????? WHY???? It means youre still asking Him!
    Youre my today champion.

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 9, 2014 at 12:38 am

      Hmmmm I really didn’t think of it like that. You are very right, though it really doesn’t feel like I have ultra faith. Honestly it feels like I am failing a test. Thank you so much for your wonderful words! God bless you my friend!

  3. Susan Irene Fox

    May 7, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Sweetie, anything you’re feeling, God can handle. Give Him your anger and frustration. Tell Him your sorrow. Start reading all those psalms that David wrote about feeling devastated. He knows your heart. Ask Him to help you with your faith and doubt. Ask Him to carry you because you just can’t take one more step forward on your own. Cry and shout to Him. Raise your fists! He will take you in His great, strong arms and comfort you, and fill you with His compassion. Let Him do this for you, His precious daughter.

    He will reveal to you the next step in His plan, the next blessing, the next turn on the road in His perfect timing. Until then, just be with Him, and know that He is your Father who loves you greatly.

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 9, 2014 at 12:50 am

      Oh my goodness thank you so so so much! Your words pierced straight to my heart! I am sitting here crying doing exactly what you’ve said. Now is the time to be silent and listen for His words, His answers Thank you my dear friend, may The Lord bless you endlessly!!!! Thank you again. I really hope you know just how much your word have touched me. God bless you sister!

  4. Krystal Milton

    May 7, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    Duder everything will be fine it has to be we have been through so much in the past eight months I can’t even stand you having to do this again!!!! I will be your rock I need you to be strong!!!! We will get through it like we do!!!!! I love you so much!!!!! XOXOX God bless

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 9, 2014 at 1:07 am

      We really have and it’s hard! I don’t know if I want to fight like that again, this was supposed to work! I appreciate everything you do and have done you are the worlds greatest cousin, in fact you are more of a sister. I love you so much duder!!!!!!!! God bless you for all of your strength, you have enough for both of us! *hugs* *kisses*

  5. theywhoseek

    May 7, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    My prayers will be with you. I too know the frustration of chronic pain and will most likely need surgery again. But, I know God is good and He knows what He is doing (though at times I have no ideas what He is up to) so I sit back and trust Him and give Him each moment of the day and every single ache and pain that I suffer. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but I give it my best so He can do the res 🙂 ~ Blessings and abundant prayers for you ~

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 9, 2014 at 1:13 am

      I know you do, I envy your strength I am sorry to hear you may have to have surgery again. Thank you so much! Perhaps I need to learn how to fully trust in Him and have patience while I wait. This is definitely going to be a time of observation and learning. God bless you my sister. You will be in my continued prayers.

  6. Jenn Lost in Chaos

    May 7, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    Thoughts and prayers. I hope things get easier for you and I am sorry that you have been suffering.

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 9, 2014 at 1:18 am

      Thank you so very much! Once I accept the situation and stop being angry it will get easier. Through all of your guys’ kind and encouraging words it’s already getting a little easier. God bless you sister and thank you again!

  7. Lor Rose

    May 8, 2014 at 5:35 am

    I don’t know all the details but I am sorry you’re so angry. I’ve been there, we all have, and trust me there is a reason. You won’t see it now but you will in the future (even if you have to wade through a lot of crap to get there).

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 9, 2014 at 1:25 am

      I had a partial hysterectomy (everything but the ovaries) to get rid of endometriosis and it was pretty much a waste, the endometriosis is back and it’s only been 8 months since the surgery :-/ thank you for your encouraging words! I am trying to keep that in mind, but the crap pile is huge and my shovel is small. Thank you again for the encouragement!

      • Lor Rose

        May 11, 2014 at 5:32 pm

        Then get a bigger shovel. ;D

      • Pen of the Sheep

        May 12, 2014 at 3:09 am

        Lol (like actually!) That’s the best response yet! Lol in all seriousness I do believe you answered my question! Thank you!

  8. Starralee

    May 8, 2014 at 11:42 pm

    Oh sweetie–I know it’s stupid to say, “I know how you feel”, because I’m not in your situation with your identical issues; however, I know about thinking that you’re healed–and then bam–you’re not really, not fully. 3 years ago I claimed healing from my depression–and this past week I wanted to hang myself from the shower curtain rod, but I’m too FAT–I would only have crashed and probably sprained something!! All I can say to you is that for me, it’s a humbling thing–lest I forget for a day that I don’t need HIM Every Hour. But I do believe He still heals today–and I will fervently pray that your healing be complete and quick (though you may have to deal with that “patience thing”…). Keep your hand in His–He has promised to Keep us, no matter what. Now that cheered me up! God bless you BIG! xxoo

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 9, 2014 at 1:38 am

      Lol thank you soul sister!! You did make me smile! I love how well you know me even though we have never met let alone spoken on the phone! Love you so much sister! You are not fat you are perfect, just the way God has created you! 😛 oh yes that pesky patience thing, not so good at that, as you obviously already know! Lol you cheered me up too actually! Thank you for your prayers! You have my continued prayers soul sister may God grant you all that He is! Lots of love and God bless you!

      • Starralee

        May 9, 2014 at 2:48 am

        My eyes are welling up with happy, grateful tears–God is so good to bring sisters together.

      • Pen of the Sheep

        May 9, 2014 at 4:40 am

        He truly is! He’s like no other! Love you soul sister! ♥♥♥♥

      • Pen of the Sheep

        May 9, 2014 at 4:54 am

        PS…..don’t cry, your to pretty for that!

      • Pen of the Sheep

        May 9, 2014 at 4:57 am

        Pps lol……… have a wonderful and magically God filled day! Love you loads!! Xoxoxoxox

  9. jasonedwin23

    May 23, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    Please…watch this video.
    I thought this would be a video that may help when in doubt.

    God Bless

    • Pen of the Sheep

      May 26, 2014 at 1:26 am

      Thank you very much! I appreciate your support and encouragement God bless you brother!

  10. secretangel

    June 1, 2014 at 5:54 am

    Praying for you, my sister!!!


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