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Dear Jeffery: April.16

21 Apr

Hey! I pray you are resting well in Gods arms right now. So as you know the show is next weekend. I am going to go! :/ I am not to sure how I feel about it though. For two reasons. One look at me!!! I will stick out like a sore thumb! I have been told I will have a safe place to hide though :). Mom actually asked if D would be upset if she jumped onstage to take pictures like she did at your show! Haha gotta love that woman! I told her no! We’ll see if she actually listens. Two is I am scared of how I am going to feel afterwards. We seen E and talked to M yesterday and it was hard. Afterwards I felt so sad. I felt your loss so much greater. Again it sucks! Dad on the other side was just beeming! That made me happy to see though. Now my concern is that it’s going to be like the memorial, everyone coming over telling me stories about you. How great you are, how they wouldn’t be who they are today if it weren’t for you. How you changed their life. How you were their best friend. While I absolutely love hearing this stuff, I too can say the same things. The pain is so deep already. Hearing this again from hundreds more people is going to be hard. Let alone the show is dedicated to you, about you, and for you! You are already in everything I see, hear, feel and think. How many more nights do I have to cry? I say nights like that’s the only time I cry. I suppose it would be easier to just say how much more do I have to cry? I am tired of when I am alone crying! Everyone keeps saying don’t cry alone, come get me, call me, talk to me. I feel like they have their own issues with your loss. I don’t want to weigh them down with mine too! Normally I would haved called or texted you! Can’t do that now! I don’t know Jeffery I am just tired. I love you and miss you so very much.
Love always
Bilbo

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2 Comments

Posted by on April 21, 2015 in Letters to Jeffery

 

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2 responses to “Dear Jeffery: April.16

  1. Debbie

    April 22, 2015 at 12:05 am

    Thank you for sharing these precious letters. Love and prayers!

     
    • Pen of the Sheep

      April 22, 2015 at 12:38 am

      Thank you for reading them. They are a way for me to kind of get my thoughts and feelings out in a safe way. God bless you sister!

       

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