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I am sorry

09 Jul

I have been absent for some time now and just this past few days have I had any desire to put the pen to paper. Since losing Jeff I have lost my will and desire to write. It was a passion both he and I shared. He was my biggest cheerleader! Now, though I still have love and support around me I just can’t. When I do as you have seen it is quite depressing. I am trying, not hard enough I am sure. It’s as though I’ve put cotton balls of anger in my ears and I just cannot hear the Lord. I know this is my own doing but am unable or unwilling to take them out right now. I don’t know what I need or what I want even. I just known, as it was put to me recently, this anger is a black hole. It keeps sucking me in deeper and deeper into a very dark lonely place. I don’t even know what I am angry about honestly, or who I am angry with even. I am just mad. Mad at everything and nothing! I am not mad at God though, this I am pretty sure of. He doesn’t control the will of man, so I cannot blame Him for the choices that were made. I pray that he softens my heart and removes this anger from me. I know He won’t interfere with my free will, but I pray that through softening my heart I am able to let it go! I don’t know, I apologize. I figured I owed an apology for my recent absence. Please just pray for me and my broken heart. Hearts aren’t like bones. You can’t just put a cast on it and six weeks your mended. Sorry again. God bless and thank you for reading my senseless ramblings!

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6 Comments

Posted by on July 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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6 responses to “I am sorry

  1. Proj3ct Ignit3

    July 9, 2015 at 4:30 am

    Lord I ask of you to heal this persons broken heart. I would like to share this song with you to hopefully bring some comfort, because the pain will end and you will see the sun on the other side of the storm clouds,,,

     
    • Pen of the Sheep

      July 9, 2015 at 4:32 am

      Thank you so very very much! May the continue to be with you! God bless!

       
  2. secretangel

    July 9, 2015 at 6:10 am

    My dear sweet sister, remember that God loves the brokenhearted… and that is where you are right now. Let this loss be the point of brokenness that will catapult you into God’s Loving Arms to see more than you ever imagined with new levels of faith in Him. He knows exactly how you feel and where every wound is. I pray that He will give you the comfort that can only come from Him and raise you up to be a voice for Him to help others who are grieving the loss of loved ones. God bless you and your family!

     
    • Pen of the Sheep

      July 9, 2015 at 2:17 pm

      Thank you so very much sister 🙂 may God bless you as well.

       
  3. Theya Catalan

    July 9, 2015 at 7:49 am

    My heart wrenches in pain on reading this. Indeed, we all have our emotional anchors, our personal cheerleaders..people who mean just so much to us that we can’t think of a life without them. And one morning we wake up to a rather dark day, and find ourselves lost. I’ve been through that pain. Indeed, hearts aren’t like bones.

     

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