I have been absent for some time now and just this past few days have I had any desire to put the pen to paper. Since losing Jeff I have lost my will and desire to write. It was a passion both he and I shared. He was my biggest cheerleader! Now, though I still have love and support around me I just can’t. When I do as you have seen it is quite depressing. I am trying, not hard enough I am sure. It’s as though I’ve put cotton balls of anger in my ears and I just cannot hear the Lord. I know this is my own doing but am unable or unwilling to take them out right now. I don’t know what I need or what I want even. I just known, as it was put to me recently, this anger is a black hole. It keeps sucking me in deeper and deeper into a very dark lonely place. I don’t even know what I am angry about honestly, or who I am angry with even. I am just mad. Mad at everything and nothing! I am not mad at God though, this I am pretty sure of. He doesn’t control the will of man, so I cannot blame Him for the choices that were made. I pray that he softens my heart and removes this anger from me. I know He won’t interfere with my free will, but I pray that through softening my heart I am able to let it go! I don’t know, I apologize. I figured I owed an apology for my recent absence. Please just pray for me and my broken heart. Hearts aren’t like bones. You can’t just put a cast on it and six weeks your mended. Sorry again. God bless and thank you for reading my senseless ramblings!
I am sorry