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Tag Archives: David and Goliath

Dear Jeffery: April.13

Hi Jeffery! So I was thinking about you today, once again….I say that as if a day or even minute goes by that I don’t think about you. I don’t feel consumed by anger today. Just sad and lost. It is so hard to see the pain in mom and dads faces. Just by looking at them you can tell they are thinking about you. There is a sadness that glazes over their eyes. It is heart breaking Jeffery! I don’t know how to help them. I can’t even help myself! Whatever anyways….this is something I wrote. I don’t know if it’s for you or for me. It just is I guess. As you know I won the dummy award, it was doing that, that got me to write this so I can’t really complain about the pain. It was a nice but all to brief break from my emotional pain though. So from physical pain to emotion pain here it is.

Broken hand
Broken heart
Now I know not where to start

Once I walked protected
Now I walk alone
Imprisoned by tears and fears

David is gone
While Goliath stands on
Towering over me
Taking me
Breaking me
Right now he has his stake in me

I can hear David
Hear his voice
Telling me to stand
To fight
It’s what’s right

I cry
I can’t
I wont
Please don’t

My ears are plugged
Plugged with pain and hate
I am to weak to fight
I can’t bare your sling and stone
They are to mighty for my shaking hands

Broken hand
Broken heart
I know not where to start

Starting over
Turning over
David’s pain is finally over

So there it is. I don’t know where to go from here. Where do I start? Like really though? I just don’t know. I am sick and tired of crying and feeling this black hole of pain. It sucks! There is no better way of putting it, that is without using very colorful language. I listen to your voice in your songs and it just make me miss you more, and yet I can’t stop listening. It’s all I have in this physical world of you to hold onto. It makes me want to hear you call just to say you love me. I treasured those calls and texts! It seemed we were so connected. If I was having a bad day it was like you just knew. Those are the times you’d just send a “I love you” or “I miss you”, even when you had no idea how my day was going. Just sitting here writing about it makes me cry. When will the tears stop? The pain? I am over it! I feel like I don’t have the strength to do this. To deal with it. I keep praying for strength. Praying that God will take this pain from not only me but everyone. You have no idea the impact you made in this world! You are getting shout outs everywhere! I’d love to know what you think of dads tattoos! They are for you! He misses you so much Jeffery! Come to him and let him know you are ok! His heart is broken in two. He needs to know you are ok and with the Lord. Mama too!  We called the medical examiner to see if we could get any answers yet and still nothing! I don’t know……..I love you, I miss you. We all love you and we all miss you. You know they are dedicating an entire show to you? Pretty awesome huh? I am actually going! I may hide in the back out of fear……..but I will be there! OK I can’t stop crying again so I shall stop writing for now. I love you and miss you more than you could know!

Love always
Bilbo

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Posted by on April 13, 2015 in Letters to Jeffery, Poetry

 

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A prayer for my big brother

This is something I wrote tonight for my big brother, he is in the hospital awaiting surgery to remove a quite large kidney stone. He also has a kidney infection, so he’s not feeling to hot. 😦 he has always protected me and guided me when I am facing different trials and tests along with his never ending support, regardless of how stupid I am being. He has such strength and wisdom it’s unbelievable. His passion for standing up for the underdog is absolutely astounding! He truly is a beautiful soul! May I ask that you join me in a prayer of healing for him please? May God continue to bless all of you! Thank you ever so much, Pen of the Sheep.

Always standing up before the test
Never backing down or taking a rest
You always stand strong in front the rest
The weak the strong
You do your best
To help those facing their own personal test
Now my big brother you stand before your own test
You always succeed, usually better than the rest

Stand firm and stand strong the way I know you can
The Lord will deliver you the way I know He can

Deliverance will come your way
Rest easy my big brother and it will go away
Troubles do come, but they never stay
This is because of your way
The way you alway stand and stay
Though trouble often looks like Goliath in a way
We all know that like David, you’ll slay them away

My dear big brother
You truly are like no other

Wearing your heart on your sleeve and your passion in your fists. Stay strong. The way we all know you are and slay these giants as you always have! I love you so very much! You are my protecter and my strength. God will lay His Almighty hand upon your body, mind and spirit to heal all that ails you. Put your faith in Him whom nothing is impossible, and you will be able to see what we already see in you!!

Dear Abba,
I pray that You lay Your Almighty healing hand upon my big brother Lord, be with him and let him know that all things are possible through You. Heal his body, his mind and his spirit Lord. Please work through the doctors and nurses that are attending to him right now. May You guide their hands according to Your merciful and healing will Lord. I ask that You grant him all that You are. I know that You alone can deliver him from all that ails him right now. I humbly pray this in Jesus name Amen, Amen

 
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Posted by on July 20, 2014 in Blog's, Poetry

 

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