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Update

My surgeon is very concerned by what is going in so she put me on an emergency list to see if I can get into surgery sooner rather than later. They have changed the date twice. I received a call today telling me my newest date is February.11! That is only increasing my stress and anxiety. I thought I had much more time to prepare my mind but I suppose not :/ oh well I have to trust that this is all apart of Gods plans for me. That He is and will be with me, lifting my fear and anxiety off of me. Tomorrow I seen another specialist for something related. Please pray that the Lord works through them and that we may get past off these obstacles. God bless and have an amazing night!

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Posted by on January 25, 2016 in Blog's, Uncategorized

 

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Here we go again!

So begins the adventure with my stomach once again. For those who don’t know. I have severe endometriosis, have had it since I was 13. I have had three surgery’s to try to clean out as much as they can and finally three years ago I had a partial hysterectomy. Leaving behind just my ovaries. Within a week of the hysterectomy I had complications and have been having them since. After many emergency room visits and 28 months on a waiting list I finally seen my surgeon again yesterday. It appears that there is a new complication, one we hadn’t expected. So on March.10 this year I will go under the knife once again, this time to have my left ovary removed. I am praying that this will be the last time. Though if all these years have taught me anything it is to not expect this to be the last. I am putting my faith in God, that He will give me relief from this pain. Even if it’s only for a while. Something is better than nothing. It is so easy to get frustrated and upset when things seem to continually go wrong. To get angry even at times. But I need to remember that while the bad does outshine the good quite often there is still good. Good things can and do happen. Regardless of how minor they seem. That is my plan. To stay focused on the good, on the positive things that are happening and can come from all of this. I don’t know His plan. What I do know is if I waste my time being miserable and feeling sorry for myself I may miss a great opportunity. Whether it be for me or to help someone who is suffering as I have and am. Over the years I have learned that sometimes God puts people in your life when you least expect it, in unlikely places and for reasons you wouldn’t expect. So fight on I will and see where this ride takes me once again. I don’t ask for pity or sympathy, just encouragement and prayers. Also on a side note I am trying to get back into the swing of writing regularly again, but we shall see what adventure each day brings. Until next time God bless you and have an amazing God filled evening!

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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The return of Fellowship Friday 2016

Hello all and happy new year. I know it’s been nearly a year since I posted a fellowship Friday. As those of you who follow my blog know 2015 was probably the worst year of my life. I lost my brother to suicide, as did I lose my life. I lost so much. I was and am in so much pain. I, I, I. Though yes it was a horrible year of MY life God didn’t stop being God. While yes I felt alone, abandoned, scared and alone I wasn’t! God hadn’t left me, I pushed Him away. He was still doing amazing works not only in my life but also in countless others. Though it didn’t feel like He was doing amazing things in my life I assure you He was. I am alive, I am still fighting. He has shown me just how much strength I have. Even though I feel so weak and afraid I know I am not alone and I am strong. He has made me a fighter. Losing Jeffery, my home and my life has truly. Opened my eyes to the power and love only He has and can give. He truly is an amazing and merciful God. I will once again be sharing the joys and blessing of God working through man. I look forward to sharing with you all once again. God bless all of you have a safe, fun and God filled weekend.

 
 

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Fellowship Friday!

Hello all! I pray you had a wonderful week! Mine was pretty okay, a few lows but more highs than lows! I would like to apologize for my very brief and impersonal post last Friday. Some days I handle Jeffery’s loss better than others, and that day I chose not to deal with it very well. My apologies. I am a work in progress,  but the Lord is seeing me through everyday! Now onto this week’s fellowship! As many of you know the homeless and homeless awareness are two of my passions, and my heart swells with joy anytime someone helps ones of our fallen brothers or sisters. More so though when it is a child helping them. As cliche as it sound, children really are the future! One of these little one just might end homelessness one day! That is my prayer! A mother took her son to a local waffle house for dinner and he noticed a man with a rough appearance, never having seen a homeless person before he didn’t understand why he looked the way he did. As all little ones do when something is unfamiliar to them, he started asking him mom questions. His mother explained that being homeless meant the man didn’t have a home. The boy insisted that his mother should buy the gentleman dinner. When they brought the food to him the little boy insisted once more. This time that they pray before they ate. This little boy had a restaurant full with 11 people in tears as he rang his prayers up to the heavens! I love the purity of a child heart! They are uninhibited, they don’t care if people look at them or think they are strange. They are not self conscious, they just do what they feel is right! I love it! Okay everyone I pray you all have a safe, fun and God filled weekend! God bless you all!
You can find the whole story and many more here!

 
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Posted by on May 22, 2015 in Fellowship Friday

 

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Fellowship Friday!

Hello everyone! Happy friday! This week for me has been pretty good. After many suggestions my heart was finally softened and opened to trying a new coping idea when it comes to dealing with Jeffery’s passing. Stay tuned for a new addition to my blog! This week’s message is about never giving up, even when it seems like all odds are against you. You just might be surprised by what could happen! A man was in an accident and ended up in a coma. The doctors said that there was a 10% chance he would wake from his coma. They told is wife she should pull the plug as the odds were so low. At the time of the accident he and his wife had only been married for 7 months. She was not ready to give up. So after a time in the hospital she brought him home. She cared for him 24/7. By the grace of God alone one day he woke up and said he was trying. Through everything she never gave up on him, she never lost hope of him one day coming back to her. This is much like God would never give up on us. He is always here for us, waiting patiently for us, caring for us, loving us, nurturing us. So while things can seem hard, or impossible  just know that no matter what God will be here for us! God bless each and everyone of you and your families. Have a safe, fun and God filled weekend!
Find this story and many more here!

 
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Posted by on April 10, 2015 in Fellowship Friday

 

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So here’s the thing…….

*this is not a blog for pity or self loathing. Please don’t pity me, I made a bad choice and this may be my consequence*
I have taken the last week or so off to get my brain in order I guess you’d say. In March of this year I had a CT scan of my abdomen, routine stuff after the hysterectomy. My abdomen was alright, all healed! Yay me! That is where the good news ends unfortunately. I had completely forgotten about the CT until a couple of weeks ago. I was seeing my doctor about some current minor problems I am having with my abdomen and he pulled up my CT results from March. Again I am told everything looked good and that’s when he paused, I just switched to this doctor in May so he hadn’t seen my results before. What he said in those few minutes has forever changed my life whether the outcome is good or bad. He told me that I have multiple nodes on the bottom of both lungs and that I need to quit smoke as soon as possible. I asked if it was cancer. He said because of being a smoker for as long as I have been and because of where, how many and how large they are, that it’s a very real possibility. Que punch in the gut! He said he is going to check me again next March to see, well you know, they have to wait that long for accurate results. I was so scared so so so very scared, to be honest I still am. Then I was mad, mad at God, mad at my old doctor for not saying anything, mad at the whole world really. Now I am refusing to deal with it, not out of denial but because I serve an awesome God who can and will take any burden I hand up to Him. Well this one is all His! I can’t do it, won’t do it! I accept whatever fate God has set for me, because I know to the depth of my being that He will cure whatever it ends up being. So there it is, that is why I had to step back for a short bit. As I said I don’t want pity, can’t stand it! It is what it is and God will handle this. I just ask for prayers of strength for myself and family. Thank you very much! Have a wonderfully God filled day! God bless you all!

 
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Posted by on June 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Obscenity

O

So as some of you may know I suffer from PTSD caused by a car accident we were in 2 years ago. A part of my coping mechanisms for my PTSD are when we are driving, is that when someone does something stupid in traffic I kind of tend to scream and yell obscenities at people, if I do this my ticks and glitches seem to ease up and sometimes I can even get past the event without them! Sometimes. If I don’t, typically I have anxiety, cry, snap my fingers and click my teeth until I do it just the right way and then they go away, this can take 5 min to 2 1/2 days (that was the longest it ever lasted). Before the accident I would not react at all. I am not proud of my reactions, but when I first got back into a car I would just sit and cry. Throwing a few unpleasant words around that only the two of us hear, isn’t so bad in comparison. I don’t know what all of my triggers are yet but I pray that I soon will so that I can one day get over this and move forward. What situation makes you obscene if any?

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2014 in April A to Z Challenge

 

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