RSS

Tag Archives: life

Here we go again!

So begins the adventure with my stomach once again. For those who don’t know. I have severe endometriosis, have had it since I was 13. I have had three surgery’s to try to clean out as much as they can and finally three years ago I had a partial hysterectomy. Leaving behind just my ovaries. Within a week of the hysterectomy I had complications and have been having them since. After many emergency room visits and 28 months on a waiting list I finally seen my surgeon again yesterday. It appears that there is a new complication, one we hadn’t expected. So on March.10 this year I will go under the knife once again, this time to have my left ovary removed. I am praying that this will be the last time. Though if all these years have taught me anything it is to not expect this to be the last. I am putting my faith in God, that He will give me relief from this pain. Even if it’s only for a while. Something is better than nothing. It is so easy to get frustrated and upset when things seem to continually go wrong. To get angry even at times. But I need to remember that while the bad does outshine the good quite often there is still good. Good things can and do happen. Regardless of how minor they seem. That is my plan. To stay focused on the good, on the positive things that are happening and can come from all of this. I don’t know His plan. What I do know is if I waste my time being miserable and feeling sorry for myself I may miss a great opportunity. Whether it be for me or to help someone who is suffering as I have and am. Over the years I have learned that sometimes God puts people in your life when you least expect it, in unlikely places and for reasons you wouldn’t expect. So fight on I will and see where this ride takes me once again. I don’t ask for pity or sympathy, just encouragement and prayers. Also on a side note I am trying to get back into the swing of writing regularly again, but we shall see what adventure each day brings. Until next time God bless you and have an amazing God filled evening!

Advertisements
 
3 Comments

Posted by on January 19, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

A year in review

Here we are but mere hours until the new year, and like most. I sit here thinking about the year that has passed us by so very fast. I find myself thinking about life, love and loss. For me this year has certainly been filled with all of the above.

Life, blah that one is a kicker. Life takes you everywhere and nowhere at the some time. It brings you up and it tears you down. So I asked myself what has my life been this year? There has been lots of ups and downs, pain and even suffering. My personal relationships have grown so strong. I have found a brother in my cousin as well as a sister in a cousin. Not the same person of course lol. While at the same time it has strained others. Yes I had a lot of personal trials this year, my health for one, but God showed mercy on me. He healed me and actually gave me life after 15 years of suffering I now know what it is to live! A low point started one year ago Jan.1 2013. Being homeless, but again God delivered us, with His mercy, from that through my mom and grandma. By them allowing us to stay with them. All these things I think about as low points are always followed by God’s mercy.

Love! Oh how there has been love. I have found love in so many things. I have found new love and passion for my writing and God’s words. The beautiful faces and laughter of my amazing nieces and nephews. They make me feel OK with the fact that I will never be a mother. Getting a chance to grow and love unconditionally through them. The love of family. All the wonderful things that are only possible because of love. New love through new friendship and old friends and family made new. Through our job we have met some amazing people. Mainly our pharmacy patients. They teach us great things about life and love. The love I have received through unbelievable support and encouragement, thank you Jason, duder, mama and my Bubby. Most of all my love for God! He is a true redeemer! He has showed me that though I often act un-Christ like He still loves me. I sin, I hurt Him, I get angry, and He still loves me, but not only that He has mercy on me. Now that’s true unconditional love, unlike any other.

Loss. Well most my life I have been pretty blessed. I really haven’t had to deal with much loss. The one loss that I don’t really mourn is the death of my chance to ever become a mother. The death or loss of my uterus. Through that loss I gained a new life, a chance to actually live the way He intended me to. Not knowing or experiencing much loss lasted until this year. I lost quite a few good friends and my grandmother. The thing about loss is that we can’t explain it, describe it or express it, not fully anyhow, and certainly don’t want to share it. It just is. Perhaps I am making up for a lifetime of not so much loss. I really don’t know nor does it matter at this point. The friends I have lost I met through work and really had a great relationship with outside of work. I can remember after the first few passed, it’s been 4 people, I said that if Donna goes, the last of the 4 and the one I was closest to, I can’t do this (the pharmacy) anymore! I was done, done with letting people in just so I could just end up being hurt. My Bubby told me I couldn’t and wouldn’t stop going to them. That he would support me if I did but he knew I wouldn’t stop. He told me that each one of them and myself were better off because we did let each other in. We opened our hearts to one an other, allowing us to love and be loved. Thus bringing us back to love, it always comes back to love in the end. It is God’s unconditional love that saves us all in the end. Well in June my dear friend Donna did pass away, and my Bubby was right, like usual, I continue going to them, I continue to allow myself to love them and they me. With each person I have lost this year I have grown a lot, I though that loss was just that a loss. Certainly it was not a time of growth. The last loss I will suffer this year is my grandma. She was such an amazing soul and will be deeply missed and remembered. All the things I view as a loss is really a gain for God. He gains His children back. Back at a home and in a state of being in which He had intended for them all along. Well all of us eventually, ie: Genesis. So while I sit here and mourn I realize I should be rejoicing! As Jason puts it in his blog, I will post a link to his blog below. Rejoicing in love and life. To stop mourning what I consider to be a loss. At the end of the day, well year, this year has really been filled with nothing but God showing His never ending love and mercy for His children. So in the year ahead I pray for just the same. I cannot ask for anything more. When you have God’s love and mercy what else could you need or want? I will leave you with a question. How are you going to view your year? Thank you, God bless you, and please know you are and always will be loved. You are all a true blessing to me through your kind words and encouragement even though I have not met any of you, Well except two but they’re family. 🙂 Thank you God bless you and all the best in the new year!

Jason’s WordPress
http://spiritualityinn.wordpress.com/

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 31, 2013 in Blog's

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

You Are

You are my light
You are my hope
You are my dreams
You are my friend
You are my lover
You are my confidant
You are my truth
You are my life
You are my way
You are my redeemer
You are my safe haven
You are my Savior
Most of all
You are my God

 
1 Comment

Posted by on December 29, 2013 in Poetry

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

 
%d bloggers like this: