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Tag Archives: mental illness

Dear Jeffery: May.1

Hi Jeffery. I pray you are having a blast up there with God and all the angels! We have decided to dedicate thunder to you! So every time we hear hear it we think of you! Not that we need a reminder I suppose, but you know what I mean :). I have had a good week this week. I kinda feel bad for not feeling sad and down all the time. Especially in the quiet alone times. Is that weird? I know it sounds stupid but I feel guilty for being happy in a way. Like of course I am sad that you not here, and when I think about you being gone. This week though when you come up in conversation it is usually a happy memory or happy thoughts about you. When I am alone I am learning to seek comfort in knowing you are finally healed. Free of all the pain and demons of your mental illness. I haven’t come to accept you with your mental illness, but you and your mental illness separately. It’s really hard to explain. I am having a hard time seeing any kind of weakness in you. Not that having mental illness makes you weak in any way. You are still mighty! The weakness comes from your end. You fought so hard the last 7 months. Harder than most would given all that had happened in such a short time. I know it probably sounds silly, but when I listen to my favorite song of yours. It’s as though you are apologizing to me for taking yourself away from me. I know that’s not the case. I know it’s an apology to Christ. Given the circumstances it get comfort from it. I am worried if I stop crying for you or being sad about you that is when I could forget about you. My mind knows that’s not possible but my heart is afraid. All of these new feeling scare the crap out of me Jeffery! Again this is when I would normally turn to you, but I can’t do that now, now can I? I am still writing like you wanted. It’s not very good but I am still doing it. I am not doing it for me because my heart is not it right now. If I had it my way I would just quit for a while, just long enough for my heart to heal a bit more. You know? I won’t though, for two reasons. One, it is my passion and two I want to write for you! I don’t want to quit my passion because I am sad. The content sucks sure, but I am working through my pain with it. Until next time my dear brother. I love you and miss you always!
Love always
Bilbo

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Fellowship Friday!

Hey everyone! Happy friday! It has been a great week for us! We got awesome news about my mom’s health, reunited with old friends as well as found fellowship with them! It was great! We have known them for five or so years and had no idea. We’d made Christian comments to one another but never came right out with it. Until yesterday! It’s a wonderful feeling! As many of you know I have suffered with PTSD for the last three years. This week’s story is about a US Marine who, after leaving the service due to a series of traumatic brain injuries, found himself suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Jared Heine had a companion while in Afghanistan, Spike a bomb sniffing combat dog. When Jared returned to the United States he was separated from Spike. Jareds mother noticed that when he would talk about Spike his mood would lift. Seeing a way to help Jared, his mother worked through Facebook and the military to try to reunite the two. Spikes current owner agreed to meet. At the time Spike was working with the Virginia capitol police K-9 unit. Paired with officer Laura Taylor, when she seen the reunion she decided that the friends belonged together. I love that society is realizing the severity and seriousness that is PTSD. There are now numerous organizations in North America that are working to help servicemen and women in coping with this disorder. I just love this story! The bonds that people make with animals is glorious! My mama is also a great testament to the power of this bond. My mama has a fear of going outdoors, and had almost given up on herself before she had gotten her dog. It was night and day! She came out of her shell and doesn’t hide herself away very much anymore. I pray you all have a safe and fun weekend! God bless all of you!
You can find this story and many more like it here.

 
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Posted by on February 20, 2015 in Fellowship Friday

 

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Monster in me

For David. I wrote this quite some time ago and have not posted it. I was visiting with David today and it felt as though God needed him to hear/read it. This is an extremely personal piece, when I wrote this I was just coming out of a very dark period in my life. God bless all of you, have a God filled day!

Monster in me

I look in the mirror and all I see is you. You hide behind my eyes, laying dormant just waiting for your chance to strike. You find my fears and insecurities and feed on every one of them. You get bigger and stronger with each one. With every second guess. With every doubt. You are in your glory every time I let you win. With Him I am stronger than you! I can concur you. You are only as strong as I let you be. I am done with letting you take control of who I am and who I want to be. No longer will I allow you to hold me back, no longer will I allow you the satisfaction of seeing me weak and afraid. You will no longer be able to control my thoughts. I am His and He is mine. With Him you have no power!

 
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Posted by on November 3, 2014 in Blog's, Poetry

 

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Please please please URGENT prayer request!!!!

Please if you are awake right now and on WP please pray for my brother!!!!! He just tried to kill himself!!! Please pray they are able to save him!!!!! I am begging anyone who reads this to please please pray for him!!!!! He such a tower of strength for me and everyone around him, he has fallen on VERY difficult times and I don’t know, he is so much stronger than this!!!! Please!! I need him to see God the way he once did! He is so lost. I am begging for God to lay His healing hand upon him. Thank you in advance God bless each and every one of you and your families!

 

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