Update

My surgeon is very concerned by what is going in so she put me on an emergency list to see if I can get into surgery sooner rather than later. They have changed the date twice. I received a call today telling me my newest date is February.11! That is only increasing my stress and anxiety. I thought I had much more time to prepare my mind but I suppose not oh well I have to trust that this is all apart of Gods plans for me. That He is and will be with me, lifting my fear and anxiety off of me. Tomorrow I seen another specialist for something related. Please pray that the Lord works through them and that we may get past off these obstacles. God bless and have an amazing night!

 

Urgent prayer request

Please pray for my amazing mama she is in the emergency room right now and not doing well. Please pray they find out what’s wrong and heal her.

 

Prayer request!

Hey everyone sorry I’ve been absent the past couple weeks! Life has been a little sticky and stinky lately. Please pray for my mama! She goes in for surgery this morning and with her health issues she is at a bit of a risk. Thank you and God bless you!! I will have my fellowship Friday actually done this week! 🙂 God bless and thank you again!

Lord I pray that you lay your healing hand upon mama. Guide and work through the hands of those who will be operating on her today. Please give us and her great strength and healing. I pray this on Jesus name.
Amen, Amen

 

Dear Jeffery: May.18

What have you done to me???? I don’t even know who or what I am! When I look in the mirror there is something missing. We have most of your stuff now. It is a constant in my face reminder that you are gone! Reduced to stuff!! This is ridiculous! I don’t understand you! Now I will never be given the chance to! I am sensoring myself so much right now. I am sitting here bawling because of you and I just want to scream and cuss and swear! I hate this! This disgusting emptiness I feel. Who am I without you???? WHO? Please tell me because I don’t know!! I just don’t! I am so far beyond over this! What have you done???? I can’t, I just can’t Jeffery!! I am broken! I keep praying for this to go away and yet here I am once again!! I gotta go.
Love alway
Bilbo
PS. Yes I am mad but I will alway, ALWAYS love you! I always have!!! Even when you felt unlovable.

 

Alternate ending?

A few years ago I met a young man at the job I was working at the time. Just a little history of this young man. He was raised in a very pushy in your face Christian home. The type where if he didn’t meet it exactly he was put on the outside in a way. He dare not ask any questions. When he was 15 he got jumped by some other teens his age. He couldn’t go to his family because as I said he was on the outside. At his most vulnerable needful time a certain gang approached and befriended him. He seen the unity and “family” he was missing. When I met him he was 17 and I was probably 25ish. He wasn’t deep in the gang, more of an associate, but they definitely had their grips in him. At that time I was very involved in my church and attending Bible college. I try to live in a way that when I tell people I am a Christian they are surprised in a way. I try to show people that they don’t have to be perfect to have the love of Christ. Christ came for the sick not the well! Him and I really connected. I knew him better than anyone. When he had questions I was open and honest with my answers. Not condemning him. We did talk about the gang on many occasions. I understood why he wanted to be a part of it, but expressed that with Christ he could have the same feeling. Only the “family” aspect would be true and without alterior motives. After a year of really building a special relationship he started coming around more and more. He was asking more questions. I could see the seed being planted. I felt as though I was bringing him away from the grips of satan and the gang. One day during one of our deep conversations he asked “if I came to church with you would you be ashamed of me? Would you still talk to me while we were there?” YES!!!! The light was starting to shine! He must have spoken to them (the gang) about not associating with them or something and that it was because of our friendship. Certain members started showing up at our workplace. They weren’t buying anything. They would just glare at me. I spoke with Jeffery about what was going on. He forbid me to speak to him again (that is not to be taken lightly). He said that it was for my safety and the safety of my family (he had a very good reason for this warning, based on personal knowledge of dealing with this specific group) As many of you may know Jeffery was a protector of all, and that is where his personal insight came from. I was so angry with Jeffery. So I ignored his instructions for a bit. That was until the VERY scary president of the gang showed up one afternoon. Again didn’t buy anything, just glared at me. My heart was torn between mine and my families well being and the newborn bright seed! Soon after that I quit and cut ties with this bright young soul. I had to, though it broke my heart I had to think about my family. I had to trust that God would take care of him. While I kept this young man in my prayer and constant thoughts over the years, time went on as it always does. Very recently there was a story in the news about a young man from this gang that was shot by police. Fear set in my heart. I looked further into the incident via google and they had an image of the young man involved. It was him! This young beautiful soul! I am sad and torn with regret. I try not to live with regret, because everything in life is a part of Gods plan, but what if I stayed in contact? Would it have actually changed his fate? Would my family have come to harm because of me? I truly don’t know. I have faith that God has put me everywhere He has wanted me. I ask that you pray for this young mans soul. That he did receive the Lord but made some bad choices. We are all sinners after all. As if I needed anymore weight on my heart right now, but here it is. What do you think? Could I have done more? Thanks for stopping by! God bless!

 

Quick prayer requests!

Hi I am asking for prayers for Gorbachoff and spiff (younger brother and sister in law) they are facing some trials right now and need some prayer warriors on their side! God bless you and thank you!

 

Fellowship Friday

This weeks fellowship friday is going to be a little different. The topic is bullying. In elementary school I was bullied, like for the full 6 years! It was not terrible bullying, not like a lot of children today. It was mainly verbal (sticks and stones right? NOPE!) I guess you could say I got beat up once in the third grade, my friend was being bullied and when I went to stand up for him they pushed me through a fence. My heart hurt much more than my body! This morning I was sitting outside and one of the neighbor girls was walking to school we said good morning, I asked her if she was going to have a better day today, (yesterday when she was walking home from school she was crying, we thought she was but weren’t sure. By the time we realized she really was crying, she was a few doors from her home.) She response made me cry, she said after school yesterday a mean girl beat her up!!!! We are talking about a 3-4th grader at the most! This poor child had to feel those terrible feeling that most of us adults had. Mind you just because we are grown adult that does not make us exempt from bullying. I don’t know how many times I have felt the pains of bullying as an adult. The beautiful part of that though, we have the ability to shake it off! I have a secret love for a few of Taylor Swift’s songs, and Shake it off is my absolute favorite!!! I don’t know if you have heard it or if you have really listened to the words, but oh my goodness!! This morning after talking to neighbor girl this song came on and I cried again! Not because I was sad though, it was because I realized I was a fool! I was having a conversation with David this week and he pretty much said the same thing as the song! It took feeling sad and vulnerable and hearing the message in a song to really appreciate and understand what he was trying to tell me! I like to put up a fake tough front, then go and cry in the corner. Let me re-phrase that I USED to put up a fake front, then go and cry in a corner. Now? I am going to keep my chin up and my focus on God! I am sending prayers of love and healing to any man, woman, and child that may be suffering from the effect of bullying. You are handsome, beautiful, and just the way God intended you to be! God bless all of you have a safe and wonderful God filled weekend! Don’t forget to shake it off!!! 😀

 

Fellowship Friday!

Happy Halloween everyone! I have been noticeably absent from here lately and I apologize. We have been waiting for something huge for a very long time now and are just waiting on the call, I can’t say just yet what it is, God willing I will soon! My mind has been so focused on it that I have neglected what He has gifted me to do. I haven’t even written for myself. When I was looking for an article for today’s post I came across this. My heart sank, my ungrateful heart hurt. I have so many blessings in my life and I am so self focused on one thing that is yet to happen. Please excuse the writers minor spelling and grammar errors, it’s really the message that matters. God bless all of you have a safe, fun and God filled weekend and Halloween!

 

Fellowship Friday!

The message this week is simply God bless you!!!!!! So God bless all of you and have a wonderful safe and God filled weekend!!!!
If you have a YouTube account please subscribe to this channel!!! Give Back Films. I don’t know them personally there channel was shown to me this week and I automatically subscribed. You will not be disappointed!!! They have a true heart for the works of the Lord! God bless!!!
http://youtu.be/G65z8p1YNhw

 

Prayer request

Hi everyone! I pray you are all having a wonderful God filled week! I am requesting prayers for my big brother (we’re calling him David). He is having a bad few days. Please pray for him. Thank you in advance. God bless you all and I pray you have a God filled rest of your week!

Abba,
We ask that you be with David Lord. Guide him according to your will. Lay Your healing hand upon his broken heart. Grant him strength in copping with the trials he is facing. Lord I ask that You grant him all that You are. We pray that Your will be done Lord. We pray this in Jesus name.
Amen, Amen